My husband and I continued to grow as individuals and within our marriage. 10 years later, I got pregnant again - and this time, decided to become a parent Although I believed there was the potential for life, I didn't think that force was an evolved being that I needed to continue within my body. We tried to acknowledge, in our own way, that we were letting this spirit go.

About two days after the abortion, my husband and I held a candle-lighting ceremony. Though I didn't regret the abortion, I still grieved. And while I wish I had taken a bit more time to process the decision, I never regretted it.

Because of that, I acted swiftly and had an abortion as soon as I could. The second was that following through on ending my pregnancy was going to be harder the longer I waited. I had two immediate instincts: the first was that I wasn't ready to have a baby. I also wanted to continue to work on my mental health and heal from the childhood trauma of parents who fought viciously in front of me. My husband was still drinking too much and would later admit that he had a substance-use disorder, too. I was only 26 at the time.įor a variety of reasons, I knew I wasn't ready to become a parent at that point. Not long after that, I got pregnant unexpectedly. We got married after about a year of dating. More than 20 years ago, I met my husband abroad and fell madly in love.

It has been edited for length and clarity. This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with a woman who asked to use the pseudonym Amy to protect her child's privacy. Account icon An icon in the shape of a person's head and shoulders.

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